How to Win Friends and Influence People Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders (Dale Carnegie Books)
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ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
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Criticism is futile because it puts people on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
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engenders
give rise to
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resentment
resentment means anger
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“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”
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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
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adroit
clever
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“I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “… and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
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PRINCIPLE 1
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
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making the other person want to do it.
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everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
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gnawing
gnawing means distressing
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the rare individual who honestly satisfies in others this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of their hand
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go insane in order to find, in the dreamland of insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied them
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“There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.
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The difference between appreciation and flattery? Simple. One is sincere, the other insincere.
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forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
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Give honest and sincere appreciation.
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the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they
want and show them how to get it.
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Arouse in the other person an eager want.
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It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.
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Say “Hello” in tones that show unquestionably how pleased you are to hear the person’s voice.
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“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
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Become genuinely interested in other people.
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Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
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Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
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PRINCIPLE 2
Smile.
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scathing
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commemorating
show respect
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indelibly
fixed to never forget
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“To recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.”
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prerogative
This I found hard to pronounce.
The word prerogative means privilege of certain group.
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scowl
bad tempered expression
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Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
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interlocutor
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Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
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he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
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skirmish
fight
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You enjoy their company because they talk in terms of your
interest and opinions,
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Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
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Always make the other person feel important
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“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
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No matter how “important” or successful you are, no one is immune to the pleasure of someone taking interest in you as a person
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Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
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raconteur
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unsolicited
not asked for
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Why prove to a man he is wrong?
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He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.”
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non compos mentis
not of sound mind
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chauffeur,
cat driver
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derogatory
disrespecful
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doggerel:
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joust.
contest
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he got his feeling of importance by loudly asserting his authority.
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Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
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reprimanded
spoken to angrily
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Listen first.
Give your opponents a chance to talk.
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Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.
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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
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adroitly,
clever and skillful way
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“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”
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There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”
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suave,
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suave,
Charming
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Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
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magnanimous
udarta
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petulant,
Childlike bad temper
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If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
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belligerent
hostile
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PRINCIPLE 4
Begin in a friendly way.
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When you have said ‘No,’ all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself.
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perspicacity.
Quality of getting insights
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Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately.
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upholstery
Soft padded fabric.
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amiable
Friendly manner
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“People can’t be ‘sold.’ You have to let them buy.”
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Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
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Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
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success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.”
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ensue
begin
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maybe the hard work was relaxing and enjoyable for her.
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Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
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“I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
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cantankerous
bad tempered
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cuss
stubborn people
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Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them.
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impropriety,
failure to be modest
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impertinent.
not showing proper respect; rude.
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mollified
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unenviable
Unpleasant
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rancor,
bitterness
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impresario.
organizer
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“Sympathy the human species universally craves.
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Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
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a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.
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Appeal to the nobler motives.
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maligned
badnam
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squelched.
Suppressed
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Dramatize your ideas.
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“The way to get things done,” says Schwab, “is to stimulate competition.
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vagaries
Unexpected change in behaviour.
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whims.
Impulse
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Lawes liked the idea of attempting a job that called for someone “big.”
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facet
Feature
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That is what every successful person loves: the game.
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Throw down a challenge.
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adroitly
Clear are skillful way
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It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
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obstreperous
Noisy and difficult to control
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Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
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the word “but.” It is poison.
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Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
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Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
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Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
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roughshod
a horse
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uncanny
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scrupulously
carefully
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What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself.
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Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”
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Let the other person save face.
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Spur
fake
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Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
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minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
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Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
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So why not offer people the opportunity to demonstrate their strengths rather than find fault in their weaknesses?
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if you want to influence a person in a certain respect, act
as though that particular trait was already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
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Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
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Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
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Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.